The Plan for me!

Lord you told me a while ago that you would be there for me.
I know that you know exactly what he is going through and I know
that he wants to serve you. I never looked at him that way.
I always thought he was supposed to be with her and I was okay with
it. But the look he gave me this weekend told me differently.

That look meant something more than what it used to. We promised one another
we would always be there for each other so why is it so hard for him? Why does he
fight his feelings for me? I won't stop believing but the look he gave me told
me that he longed for me and it told me that he still loves me.
His eyes found mine every time we were around one another and I noticed him
watching me during church a few times more than he should have. I noticed the look in his eyes when I stood up and testified and I noticed the look in his eyes when I almost fell on him.

Who says we need to wear skirts to do the lord's will

Today before work I was sitting at a public place reading a bible and I felt God telling me that I needed to do work.It wasn't what I expected but as I sat there I couldn't help but overhear someone and I felt God tell me that I needed to tell her that was my plan one day. One day not so long ago I remember telling my mom that I was going to be married by the time I was 22 and here I am 28 still waiting on the lord. I never pictured my life to be like this and I never pictured that my niece would be serious with a guy before I even know who my companion is. I couldn't be happier for her though.

I am so thankful that God works the way that he does. I am so thankful that God has shown me that he is in control of everything. It amazes me that a perfect stranger can help me be okay with the idea that my niece is talking about marriage and I am not even sure who my companion is. I feel that he is just around the corner and the way I feel about the lord is how I need to feel.

Life

Today I realized that I have tried everything possible, but I cannot change companies. So I decided to try at Sprint because I thought hey maybe just maybe I can get a phone through another company and it will be cheaper than it is for me now. So I go into Sprint this evening and they say that I didn't answer some of my security questions the right way. I am thinking seriously I didn't recognize any of the questions they asked me. I mean normally they ask things like what street did you grow up on or what is your mother maiden's name but no they asked other things today.

Oh well I guess the lord knows all things and I know that he will work everything out. I guess for a short time I will not have a phone and if I happen to be issued a new number than I guess the lord wants me to have a new number. I should be thanking God for all he has done for me and I am really I am.

The thought that came to my mind today is the verse from the song by Casting Crowns I will praise you in the storm. I really am going through a storm right now and I know that when I praise God he sees me through. Each storm in my life is a little more than the other one and each storm that passes is another battle that I have won...

Winning when it comes to storms are all we need. My best friend and I we are in everything together. She is there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on and she is there to encourage me when I feel my spirits dropping just a little bit. Without her I know that I would not have anyone to talk to. She always encourages me to strive for what I feel is right and she knows just what to say to make me laugh.

There are times when I feel can I go on and through her I know that I can go on. She says things like I believe and belief is all we have. Without him I know that I am nothing. So I sit and wait, sit and wait. I wait for the day for the lord to tell me that its all going to be okay and I wait for the day for the lord to tell me that he has sent someone my way. I wait on you lord today and everyday and I know that you will provide so I will not fear for I know that fear is not something I should do.

The Lord is incredible!

Today I have been doing a lot of praying and fasting and I realized I was looking for all the wrong things when it came to you. I always thought that you were the only one for me, the way I felt had to be real because you made my heart jump and skip a beat every time you looked at me.

After seeking for months I heard the lord say he was preparing someone else for me. I thought it was you, but the lord told me his name starts with a N. I know he is out there and will come to me soon.

There were many times that I thought it could be you. I waited for months for you and where did that get me? No where you can see. No I didn't mind, but I was lost and lonely inside. Lost and lonely for the moment you and I would share. Lost inside for you to comfort me in my despair.

There are times I think maybe you are the one for me than you go and hurt me. Did you feel anything or was it all just a dream? Did you ever love me or was it just make believe?

So many feelings and so scared

Today has been a rough day. I have been through a lot today and I thought I knew what the lord wanted me to do. It all started out great, but the lord must have known right? I mean how can a good day turn sour in just one hour?

I feel like the whole world is closing in around me, and there is nothing anyone can do to cheer me up. Many times I have wondered how he possibly could love someone else over me, but the truth is clear to see. It means that I have to find someone new. He is in love and he tells me he finally got it right. He finally understands what true love is all about.

Once upon a time I was his dream I was the one that he wanted for the rest of his life. I am happy for them though.

I have met him

I have met the most incredible man anyone could ever ask for. He is the sweetest guy and I know he is the one that the lord is preparing for me. He respects me and he is so lovely. I wasn't expecting him to say the things that he did to me this weekend but he was so considerate.

I went up there to get fed by the wonderful people of God and he was there both times. I knew who he was the minute he drove up behind my parents and I. I didn't even have to think twice, and the moment he grinned at me I knew that he could be the one I spend the rest of my life with. He played with my hair and for the first time in a long time I did not mind one bit.

I know the lord will put us together in his timing, but I enjoy listening to his voice and I enjoy talking to him on the phone.

Semester flew by

Wow talk about a stressful semester. It was moment by moment and a bargain for the grades that I received. I ended up with an A in this last class so at this point I have only received two B's for my classes. One was by my own mistake and the other one was a little harder than I anticipated.

That brought my GPA up to a 3.021 which is awesome, because its the highest I have ever had in college. I wish life was this easy all the time. I am waiting to hear back on that day care that I had the working interview at yesterday. I know that its going to work out the way the lord wants it to work out. Pray for me please.

God is so INCREDIBLE!

I have been stressing out over little things and it has been hard to do certain things. I know that God knows all things and I know that he knows what is best for me, but little things have come up and it is hard to pay bills or even make ends meet.

Today I went and filled out another application and the lord I believe could have opened a door that has not been opened in a while. I am going in for a working interview for three hours tomorrow and I really feel this could be the door that god is currently opening for me.

I have been told that maybe I am not supposed to teach, but isn't anything teaching. I mean this is something that I have been questioning myself for a long time, and I feel like I am confused. I mean all these places want you to have experience but its hard to get experience if no where is willing to hire you. I guess in a way I am thankful for all the subbing that I have done at the Early Childhood Center because I have the qualifications.

So it begins....

Many times I wonder about all the things that my eyes behold in this world. I wonder about all the glory that is is out there. It seems so many times everyone else is finding what they want except me. Why is is that everyone finds that one person but me.

I walked into a room and there he was. He looked straight into my eyes and it felt like he saw right to my heart. Now it seems like we are miles away in more ways than one. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him. He was there when I needed someone and he has seem to have just left me on my own.

I cannot stop the way I feel and he has asked me to move on, but I cannot stop how I feel. It is what it is and I know in my heart that I love him more than words can ever express. He has hurt me yes, but in a way the hurt just feels like the pain that was meant to be.

Together forever he once told me, so why must I move on?

*SO IT BEGINS*

The wait begins for you and me. I will always pray for you until I find someone new. I will always tell you how much I love you. You are all that I need and I pray that someday you see how much I need you. All the things I have accomplished in my life are nothing without you by my side. Remember that I love you!

Prayers

There are times when I feel like I need to pray harder than any other time. This is one of those times. I remember a time down on my knees when I was a child the picture still burned in my mind.

My parents taught me to pray without ceasing, and they taught me to seek the kingdom of heaven first. Recently it has occurred to me that maybe I am doing just the opposite.

Almost every time I start to think possibly my companion is just around the corner God tells me no. He is so adamant on telling me no that I think God will I ever meet the one I am supposed to sped the rest of my life with?

It seems like everyone around me is starting to have the type of life that I want. It seems like they are all happy and I would give it all up if I could. I would stop all the stuff the lord has put me through to be with the one that I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

It seems like just yesterday you promised me all these things. I have dreamed about what my life would behold and and I have dreamed about my companion. I know that he is out there and you the lord will continue to guide me because I really do believe he has great things for me.

Life is good!

I recently received a grade that I am so thankful for. I received an A in the last class that I took and everything is going really well with me. I have been working out and I feel so much better in my health and my life. It amazes me how great I can feel when I work out at least three times a week.

My roommate and I decided that we were going to start a challenge for Pilate's. It takes twenty-one days and it is supposed to make you look slimmer. We decided today that we would try it and I am hopping that it works because I want to loose weight so much.

I have so much to be thankful for. I have friends and family that always encourage me to go for my dreams and on top of that I have something to look forward to each day. I know the lord gives me what I need when I need it and nothing changes the way I feel.

I love how I have friends that inspire me, and the Lord is on my side!

My Amazing Best Friend!

For those of you who do not Know I have the most incredible best friend. She is always there for me no matter what I go through. She has been there for me for the past seven years without questioning me.

Let me start by saying this. It all started when I invited her to Colorado with me that Spring seven years ago for a week. I never thought she would want to go, I mean I only invited her because I wanted someone to go with me for the company. I still remember that first trip like it was yesterday. But the real fun began a year later when we traveled a lot more.

Here is a preview of all the fun times from that spring/summer!



This was the first trip than it began I mean really began! That summer we traveled to Camp in Idaho! What a fun time we had there and man did she meet a ton of people!



Then there was the spring break trip we had. I loved traveling to Missouri with her to see my sister and my nieces and nephews! Than that summer was when our adventure really started!

We moved to Oklahoma and have some fun times while we were there. This included her coming into the wonder faith. This whole time we were getting closer and closer! Finally we got to the point where I tell her everything and she tells me everything. We have had many adventures together and I love traveling with her. The most recent adventure we had together was her dad's wedding. Here is where I realized that she really is my BFF!


I LOVE YOU MARY! THANKS FOR ALWAYS BEING MY FRIEND!

Redefining my life

Things here have been busy and crazy. I have suddenly realized that the job I have is exactly the job god wants me to have at this point in my life. While at work today I noticed that there is an opening at Flowing Wells Junior High and I know that the lord will show me what I am supposed to do. It amazes me how much I sit back lately and think about all the good things that the lord have given me.

I realize that I am rich in the lord, and I think at this moment I don't need anything else. I am determined to redefine my life in a good way. I am going to give myself a makeover and make sure that I do not stress out over things that are out of my control. God is truly amazing. He has given me amazing friends and incredible parents that always stand beside me.

That is right mom and dad I love you both so much. Thank you for all the times you allowed me to stay up late studying and for all those times that I came in late and became grounded. I never thought at the time I was being punished that I would be thankful for it later in my life. Being on my own again I sometimes miss you asking when I am going to be home. I love you both so much!!!!

Today

Today I sit here and wonder why I feel the way I do. Does it matter that I have feelings for you? So much has happened since that blissful night and I wonder will I ever fully let go. It seems like just yesterday that we had that talk. It seems like just yesterday when you told me you love me.

So close yet so far away. I seem to be happier when I think of you. I seem to know better and do better if I fight. It matters to me that I care for you, and it matters to me that for some reason I still love you.

Look at me and tell me what do you see? Do you really see forever or are you just playing me? Do you believe that we could be forever or is it all just a game? Our hearts joined together I pray everyday that you are the one. No more hurt and no more pain. I will wait for you. Or I will wait for the right one to come and the lord will help me get over you.

Perfectisim

Ever notice how I stress out over my grades and I still receive good ones in the end? For those of you that know me, you know this is how I operate. I cannot get through school without stressing over my grades. It is how I keep my ideas and lesson plans straight.

How do I manage to always convince myself that I am doing bad? I will tell you how, I make sure that everything is done at the right time, but I don't make sure it is perfect. Being a perfectionist has always been my down fall. It makes me stress over every little detail and it stresses me out to the point that I think I could do better.

The reward is I know that I am always trying my hardest and I know that in the end, all things will work out because the lord promised me that.

How do I know?

There is so much that I am thinking right now. I want to be that person for someone and I want to make sure that everything is right. About the time I start to think that everything is going to turn out fine I have someone tell me that they are not ready. How do I know who the right one is when all my life the right one has always loved someone else?

He tells me he will be there for me and he tells me that I can lean on him, but doesn't he know that I don't want to be the girl he tells his troubles to unless he wants to be with me? It has been hard to watch him fall in love, but he did and I support him, because I can tell he is happy and I can tell he loves her. He tells me there is someone great for me, but honestly I don't see anyone more perfect than him.

He says he finally has it right, and he makes me smile at night. I will not do that to her though she is my best friend. I appreciate everything that she has been to me and so much more. She is my best friend and sister in the faith. I have her to help me along the way, but it isn't easy still watching her light up every time he calls or when he talks to her in that sweet voice that he used to talk to me in.

How do you know? I will tell you one thing is for sure I know that I remember the way he once made me feel like there was no one in the world but the two of us. I remember the look he gave me when we were teenagers and all the choices we made and how our plans changed. Why did they change? People will say we grew up and grew apart, but did we grow apart or just grow up? I believe we grew up and realized that we both wanted something else out of life that the other one couldn't offer.

Listen to me going on while she is laying here on the other couch probably wondering why I have been so quiet today. I ponder what I should do and I wonder what happened to that little girl who knew what she wanted in a companion and knew exactly when she was going to be married? She is no longer here and she is no longer as confident as she used to be.

I tell Satan everyday that he is a liar and God loves me. After all, he chose me to walk beside him and he chose me to make a difference. He chose me to bring them together so happy for them I will be. I will always love him, and I know that the lord will see me through. I still fantasize about him and what he looks like under all those clothes. I know I shouldn't but I can't help but wonder when he tells me remember when we said we would, or remember when we...

Busy Busy Busy

Life seems to get busier when the school year starts up. So I have this class this semester that I have to meet with a teacher and talk to her about special education. No folks before you ask this is not my major it is just a required course that all teachers must take before embarking on that glorious tasks of becoming a teacher. Anyways I just found out today who this teacher is so I sent her an email and the days that I go to the school are going to start really early. I have long days ahead of me.

I look forward to everything I have and know that the lord is always in my life. I know that everything will work out the way it should and moving in the next week or whenever it happens is also the lords will. I am so excited to be in courses that fill my day with excitement. I know that all my desires are just beyond my reach. Why should I worry about all the little things that are out there when I know that no matter what all things happen for a purpose. I know that all things will work together because I want to follow god the way that he wants me to follow him. I am doing everything for him.

I keep telling myself that my perfect guy is out there. I know he is out there some where and if I just focus on school for a little longer than he is show up when I least expect it.