There is so much that I am thinking right now. I want to be that person for someone and I want to make sure that everything is right. About the time I start to think that everything is going to turn out fine I have someone tell me that they are not ready. How do I know who the right one is when all my life the right one has always loved someone else?
He tells me he will be there for me and he tells me that I can lean on him, but doesn't he know that I don't want to be the girl he tells his troubles to unless he wants to be with me? It has been hard to watch him fall in love, but he did and I support him, because I can tell he is happy and I can tell he loves her. He tells me there is someone great for me, but honestly I don't see anyone more perfect than him.
He says he finally has it right, and he makes me smile at night. I will not do that to her though she is my best friend. I appreciate everything that she has been to me and so much more. She is my best friend and sister in the faith. I have her to help me along the way, but it isn't easy still watching her light up every time he calls or when he talks to her in that sweet voice that he used to talk to me in.
How do you know? I will tell you one thing is for sure I know that I remember the way he once made me feel like there was no one in the world but the two of us. I remember the look he gave me when we were teenagers and all the choices we made and how our plans changed. Why did they change? People will say we grew up and grew apart, but did we grow apart or just grow up? I believe we grew up and realized that we both wanted something else out of life that the other one couldn't offer.
Listen to me going on while she is laying here on the other couch probably wondering why I have been so quiet today. I ponder what I should do and I wonder what happened to that little girl who knew what she wanted in a companion and knew exactly when she was going to be married? She is no longer here and she is no longer as confident as she used to be.
I tell Satan everyday that he is a liar and God loves me. After all, he chose me to walk beside him and he chose me to make a difference. He chose me to bring them together so happy for them I will be. I will always love him, and I know that the lord will see me through. I still fantasize about him and what he looks like under all those clothes. I know I shouldn't but I can't help but wonder when he tells me remember when we said we would, or remember when we...
